Well……

I thought it important to explain why updates and things have been so behind. I have been struggling with a major depressive episode of late. This venture is my full time job however, as time goes on, it has become more and more difficult.

I make the majority of my income from events but I am no longer physically able to do events solo anymore. I really don’t have help without there being some major drama, fighting, or begging. I just don’t have it in me to fight with people anymore.

We have 1 vehicle for 5 adults and I don’t have access to it 90% of the time because household members with “real” jobs take priority which makes doing events even more expensive because I have to rent a vehicle in order to do them. This has doubled and even tripled my event costs. We can’t afford our household bills much less buying or renting another vehicle.

I am responsible to 99% of the shopping, cooking, and cleaning in my house. I ask for help, I ask for others to do it, but some members just flat refuse and others won’t help unless I am literally standing there which defeats the purpose.

I try to run my household. I try to run my business. I try to be a good friend. I try to be a positive part of my community. I fail miserably at it all and am just so so tired. Most days, even though I have a huge list of tasks to do, I just sit and cry. I try to at least deal with the immediate things that need attention but even then, some days not even that happens.

I guess what I am trying to say (and failing miserably) is that I am burnt out, spread too thin, massively depressed, and in denial that I may have to give up something I have worked so hard for. I will update things on the website as I can.